I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
