shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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