Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
