when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
