The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Randomize
