He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
