I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
