Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
