if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
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its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
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Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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