I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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