I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
