it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
