Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
