She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
