we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
