so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
