just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
