you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
