I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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