Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
