omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
