There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
