I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
