i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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