4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
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You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
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How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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