Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
