dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
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Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
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