nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
