fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
MIDGETS
????
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
