i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
