What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
