My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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