i may or may not be watching the land before time
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
