i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
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Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
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I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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