What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
