if you like me you must not know who I am
Me too!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
