So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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