Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
