my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
