he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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