Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
