Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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