if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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