Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
