In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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