i just sold back the books i vomitted on
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
