Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
