I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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