Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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