A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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