I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
