Who did Billy Mays play for?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize