i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
