this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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