you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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