loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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