well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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