All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
