Acid is not a monday night drug
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
