yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
