I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
