alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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