I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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