we were pretty classy up until the second keg
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
