I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
