dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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