I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Farmville is her only friend.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
