Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
