is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
