I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
