guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
