I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
are you so shy because you have an std?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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