do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
