and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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