Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
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She's just so happy...and so naked.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
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did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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