Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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