Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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