Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
