the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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