I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
