i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Who died my cat blue again?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
